Personal development is not a top priority for everyone. People get set in their ways; they are buried in their pain, numbed out, in avoidance or choose to be complacent and comfortable. For their own reasons, they choose to make choices for their life that keep them distanced, angry, and/or separated. There are so many reasons, excuses, and all kinds of stories to support limiting beliefs. Much of it is about self-preservation and protection. It’s a defense mechanism to stay safe and to avoid our perceived pain.
When we protect our space, we can do so without condemning anyone. We don’t need to make others wrong. There is no need to be self-righteous or to throw stones.
Rather, we simply choose love, acceptance, and possibility over everything else.
Our time is spent making a conscious choice to be and stay in alignment with ourselves. We choose to extend unconditional love and acceptance in all that we do.
Protecting our space does not mean building a wall so high and far around us that no one and nothing could find their way in. It’s more about our inner landscape. To protect our inner self would be to anchor, meditate, and pray so often that even when things are difficult, we remember that people or circumstances beyond our control do not define us, positively or negatively.
It’s important to notice and differentiate protecting our space and avoiding a growth opportunity with another person. There is a fine line between writing someone off and creating a loving boundary.
More often than not, we will write others off and chalk it up to taking care of ourselves. The opportunity is to seek to understand and to be the witness—even if that is your angry ex, the sibling that no longer talks to you, parent(s) who were checked out, your defiant children, or your old best friend. Anger and hate that is projected on another is our own unresolved pain. Blaming and shaming others only postpones the opportunity to grow and what remains unforgiven is poison to our own soul.
Sometimes what we fail to notice is that our programs, ego/ protective personality is always in reactive mode. It doesn’t think or reason; it is the judge and executor. It’s important to remember, we are arguing with someone else’s programs—not the truth of who they are. When we operate from a space of non-resistance, we recognize that someone we once loved and cared for went straight to defensive mode and is operating from fight or flight. When we are truly grounded, we are able to separate the behavior or attitude from the person.
A loving boundary might look like not allowing someone to share your space or your home if they are violating it. It’s not ok to take excuses for a behavior that hurts other people, and at the same time writing that person off removes the opportunity to extend love and forgiveness. If we have negative energy on a person and we think that just writing them off will fix everything, don’t be fooled; it’s not the same thing. Unforgiveness is the cause of much anxiety and depression. More often than not forgiveness is the solution or elixir that is needed. It is also important to recognize that someone does not need to be present in their physical form in order for us to extend love and forgiveness.
There are people that we will be connected with for a lifetime through our families and marriages. We won’t always see eye to eye. In fact, we may disagree completely, and we can still love and respect another person, even when we don’t agree with them.
Protecting our space means taking a stand for growth and expansion. It is aligning with a bigger vision and a knowingness that we are either growing or dying. There is no in-between. We can choose without judgement to align ourselves with others who also want grow. “Birds of a feather flock together,” and we can be committed to protecting and cultivation our space of peace, growth, contribution, and development.
Let us also be mindful of protecting ourselves from our own “monkey mind.” If there were one thing that we would want to master in this lifetime, it would be conscious choice making and mental mastery. As we deliberately direct our thoughts, we become less and less reactive. When our minds become a servant of our hearts, when our decisions are heart-driven, we are on the right path.
Today, I will continue look for opportunities to build and strengthen relationships. I will take another inventory of my space both mentally and physically, make amends, and pay close attention to my vibe and my tribe. And I will extend unconditional love.